Navigating Life: Grieving
(Chris’ personal note: Some posts are harder to write than others, and this has been a particularly hard one for me to write, as I am navigating through the unexpected passing of my brother Tom a couple months ago. He was and is a great man whose partnership made this blog and so much of my music and writing possible. I miss him tremendously, and will always remember him.)
Perhaps the hardest thing to navigate in life is grief. If you haven’t experienced grief, then God bless you! However, odds are that you will experience grief, probably more than once, in life. Even as I write this, memories of past and recent grief drip into my mind, still bringing a tinge of sadness. The beautiful irony is that, in spite of the intense pain and sadness of grief, it can lead to a deeper sense of God and His unfailing love, compassion and forgiveness—if we are open to receiving it.
As you read this, I invite you to watch the song video “We Turn to You” that I wrote in a season of grieving. I recorded it with the help of my friends Chelsea Kimball and Dick Tunney. I hope it brings you hope and comfort.
https://www.chrisatkins.net/videos/v/we-turn-to-you
There are many definitions of the word grief. Here are two:
“deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement” (Merriam-Webster)
“suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” (dictionary.com)
But grief is more than a sterile, academic definition. It hurts to the core of our being! We experience grief in many ways and events:
The loss of someone you love.
The loss of a relationship, marriage, or family.
The loss of peace, joy, and direction because of a past choice or sin.
The loss of a job or career.
The loss of health.
The loss of youth.
The loss of a dream or pursuit…
…and I’m sure you can add much more to this list.
Grief can be crippling, debilitating, paralyzing and ruthless— I know this from personal experience. My take on grief comes from living it in, through it, and moving forward with it. Grief, with all its emotional devastation, can ironically still be useful—provided we make good choices. I’m not an expert, but as a fellow human traveler through life here are a few lessons I have learned from my experiences with grief:
1) Grief is a natural part of being human. Running from or denying grief doesn’t help and can actually harm us, because grief stems from the deepest part and longings of our being. I have learned that the point of grief isn’t just to get past it, but to ultimately create a set-apart place — a holy space—in our heart and soul for the person or event that we are grieving over. It is both honoring and healing when we do this.
2) Grief can lead to good, bad, or meaninglessness— depending on what we do (or don’t do) with it. Ultimately, grief reveals what we truly believe, as well as what is and isn’t important to us. I’ve discovered that grief can be a tenderizer, softening my heart to God and other people. Grief can also be a teacher, if I avail myself to grieving as a tool and gift God gives to help mold me into the person He created me to be.
3) It’s okay to ride the waves of mourning and grief for a season and let them wash over you. Abraham grieved when his wife Sarah died. Jesus grieved at the death of his friend Lazarus (whom He soon raised back to life). The church leaders wept as they said goodbye to the Apostle Paul when he told them he wouldn’t see them again (see Acts 20:36). I’ve been with people who have grieved over past choices as they yielded themselves to God. Tears and weeping often mark these holy moments.
4) But, my friend, please don’t drown in the waves of grief. You and your life matter too much! If you’re in a place where you feel you are going under, seek help from a trustworthy Christian therapist and tell a good friend. You don’t have to be alone.
5) Honestly share your grief with God. God makes it clear He is partial to and intimately cares for brokenhearted people. Jesus once said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). He wasn’t just referring to the grief of losing someone we love, but also the mourning over past sins and hurts. God loves to hear from, forgive, and heal people who realize and grieve over their wrongs as they turn to Him.
6) Press into God and ask for His Presence. God’s embrace is more powerful any force in existence, including grief. When we give God our deepest tears and sorrow, He faithfully responds with His peace that passes understanding. Grief can lead us to experience God deeply as we look to and rest in Him.
7) Thankfulness, love, and serving others can be healing balms to the grieving soul. Even in grief, we have a choice: focus only on ourselves or look beyond ourselves to see the beauty and opportunities around us.
8) Voice —out loud— words of hope in God and His promises. As a runner, I was taught by to say aloud “I feel good” during a race when I was experiencing physical or mental fatigue. This technique worked in my running as I experienced renewed energy and stamina within a minute after saying it. Our body are wired to respond to the words we hear, especially those that come from our own voice. The Old Testament King David did this very thing in the midst of his personal sadness, speaking to himself not just once, but twice in Psalm 42:
“Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”
9) Remember that God may use our present grief to help someone else in the future. There is something holy and powerful about serving and praying for someone with words and actions that spring from our own experiences. Hold onto the hope that our grief will be tempered over time, knowing that God may also use us and our experience as His lifeline to another person He deeply loves.
10) Remember and choose the long view of life with God. Because of Jesus Christ, one day our losses will evaporate like the morning mist. Every tear will be dried, our life and being will be made perfect, and grief and death will be forever put away and forgotten. We will see people we lost once again, in the fresh air of eternity where the word “goodbye” will never again be spoken. Like the Apostle Paul, we will count our earthly sorrows as nothing compared to the never-ending joy that awaits all who know, love, and follow Jesus.
God bless you!
Chris Atkins